Kneeling is the (second-most) uncomfortable position --

After being strewn out on the cross, that is.

Or maybe it’s the third,
After carrying a crucifix to your own demise.

On my knees, at my last quad prayer for the year – I thought. I thought about the pain, about putting pressure on my injured knee, about the sheer disappointment I felt when I injured that knee. About the eighteen years of low-self worth I felt because of why I injured that knee (I was morbidly obese, and any fall is a bad fall when you’re already at risk to die just by living).

I thought about how I still struggle – to this day – with poor self-image and a haphazard self-esteem.

And then I amplified that emotion by a thousand.
And I still didn’t think it compared to what Jesus went through for us.

Not in the slightest.

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Tabler Quad prayer, like always, followed the usual uniform rigidity we abided by every Wednesday thus far – and by that I mean, there was no plan, and the fluidity of God led us through the night. Through our lives. Like He always does. Like He’ll always do.

I feel Him around me all the time,
But I haven’t felt myself running to Him in the longest time.

I cried out for You that night, Father God.
We all did, I think.

We all had a story, a prayer, a song. A request to proclaim or a praise to report. We all had one thing to be thankful for – though I’m sure we had more. But weeknights are succinct, whether we’re writing papers or humming hymns, so words fell short as they were halted by time. But regardless of the secular constraints, we all had a person, a group, a population in mind – an obstacle to lift up, and a Father to help us carry it through.

A cross to carry, and a Friend to lift us as we walked.
And tripped. And tripped. And tripped.

But I digress.

I want to express how much my 'family' has changed me this semester. And really, this year in general.

Someone close to me once said,
"Family doesn't always have to be at home."
But (and this may be the only time this ever happened),

She was wrong.

Rather than 'family' not being at 'home' --
'Home' is created wherever 'family' exists.

And I proclaimed this during testimony night,
"I love you guys so much. I finally feel like I have a family."
"And a Father, especially."

I love you guys so much.
I finally feel like I have a family.

And a Father, most importantly.